Baby jitters..

Being nervous is normal and seems to conincide with being a first time mom. Will my baby be okay? Will he be healthy? Will he be happy? Am I doing all of the things that I should be doing to keep my baby happy? It all seems like those are normal concerns about first time mom's and pregnancy/their child. 

But there are a few more things that I am nervous about that aren't so common with your ordinary first time mom. I'm nervous about packing up and moving 600 miles away when I'm 8 months pregnant and my husband is going off to Afghanistan for the second time in less than a year. There's no doubt that I will be much better off back at home where my family is when this baby comes into the world, but what about my husband? He's going to be 8000 miles away in a foreign land, not holding my hand, not feeding me ice chips, not massaging my back or feet as I'm cringing in intense pain. I'm nervous about doing it without the love of my life, I'm scared. Not only for me, but him. I KNOW he's going to want to be there, but he hasn't mentioned it much thus far, because I know he's not letting himself think about it. I don't want him to feel like he's missing out, I don't want him to not have a bond with this baby because he wasn't there to see the miracle come into the world, when he was the one that created the miracle to begin with. 

And then there's the thought of our baby doing his most critical development without his daddy there. Smiling, Jabbering, finding his toes, beginning to teeth, beginning to sit up, roll over. My husband has dreamed of this baby before we were even married, he would talk about how badly he wanted us to have a baby and I know he'll be a great daddy, I see that as he interacts with our nieces and nephews, it's beautiful. 

I know when my husband sees our baby for the first time, he will fall so in love, nothing of this will cross my mind. Until then, until that moment, I'm going to cherish every moment that we have together, with our little miracle in my belly. And once the baby is here, I'm going to be one of "those" moms that doesn't get out from behind the camera, strapping one to my head to make sure and capture every special moment for daddy, while he's out saving the world.

Four months and a bun in the oven later...

Where to begin? The last time I wrote was 9 days before I jumped into my husbands arms after being separated for 7 long and dreadful months. Here we are, almost 5 months later and so much has already changed.

We are expecting our first bundle of joy on February 18th, 2011. We were more than excited to find out that we were going to have a baby. It felt like after two months of it not happening, that it just wasn't going to; but once I go back and think about it, we were so blessed to have gotten pregnant after two months when some wait for years. 


We are already working up for another deployment in January again. So that means...yes...my husband and father of our baby will not be here to see the birth. I don't think it has hit him yet, I don't think he has let himself think about it too much, but he's not excited about missing all the "firsts". First smile, first laugh, first roll over, first night at home. No matter how far away daddy is, he will always be with us. I will do my best to make sure that every moment is captured on tape for him so that even 7,000 miles away from home, he'll still feel as if he's right here with us. It will be one of the hardest things we have ever done, yeah we've done it before, but that was without a child of our own. This time will be a little more trying, but one thing is for sure..that will be one moment both of us will never forget: Daddy meeting baby for the first time. I better get the camera crew ready!


I have learned so much in the past year and a half of our marriage than I have in a lifetime. Love is patient. You only have that handful of people that you can truly count on, but when you need them...they will be there. You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option that you have. And no matter what life throws you, no matter how hard times seem, no matter how dark it seems...Love Never Fails<3


Until next time...


Mrs. Truelove

All you need is love..

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

There couldn't be more truth in that quote. I know if it wasn't for my husband, the love he has for me and the love that we share, there is not a chance I would have gotten through this deployment. It was that love that gave me the strength to get up and get on to the next day, and it was the love I have for him that gave me the courage to face all of the fears, the nights that are so lonely it haunts you, and all of the tears that come at the sight of a letter from that far away land or the image of a Marine on the television that develops a pit in the bottom of your stomach. No matter what it was, the love that we share is what got not only me, but him through this as well.

The past few days have been stress filled and it's not been fun at all. The future, the unknown, it's all a little terrifying in ways. What am I going to do? Am I going to be good at it? Is my husband going to be proud of me? How's it going to happen? All questions that run through my head. When I finally get outside of my head and calm myself down, I know that everything is going to be fine because...all you need is love. I have that love. I have my husband. That's all I need to get me through this life. We can do it and we will do it. I can't wait to ride out this journey of life with my husband by my side, hand in hand. He makes me the best person I can be, he supports me in all of my hopes and dreams, he's the reason for all of my hopes and dreams and for that I am eternally grateful.

Today's a great day. Single digits baby, single digits until our puzzle is complete again =) I CANNOT WAIT to hold my husband again!! Almost here, thank you Lord!

Mrs. Truelove<3

A woman of few words...

I'm a woman of few words tonight. I've wracked my brain as to what I should write about, but there's not a centralized thing I can focus my brain on right now. All I know is....I want my husband. That's it. I just want my husband back. I want to be able to hold him, I want to go to sleep beside him, feeling his heartbeat and knowing he's safely beside me and that he WILL be there in the morning. This all still seems like a dream to me. Almost down to single digits until I see my husband, until I'm complete again, it feels all too surreal. Someone please pinch me. All I know at this very moment in time, I just want my husband back.

I've been going through all of our old pictures, these pictures, these memories is exactly what has gotten me through all of my lonely nights.

Look at that smile...I miss that gorgeous smile.

I miss those amazing kisses.

I miss us.

I miss holding his hand.

I miss that embrace.

I miss all the little things, I never thought that they'd mean everything. 

Yeah, I miss you and I wish you were here.

Good night handsome, another lonely night conquered.

Mrs. Truelove<3

Crazy girl

I heard this on the radio today, first time I've heard it, but I LOVE it. Reminds me of something my husband would tell me <3

Baby why you wanna cry?
You really oughta know that I
Just have to walk away sometimes
We’re gonna do what lovers do
We’re gonna have a fight or two
But I ain’t ever changin’ my mind

Crazy girl, don’t you know that I love you?
And I wouldn’t dream of goin’ nowhere
Silly woman, come here, let me hold you
Have I told you lately?
I love you like crazy, girl

Wouldn’t miss a single day
I’d probably just fade away
Without you, I’d lose my mind
Before you ever came along
I was livin’ life all wrong
Smartest thing I ever did was make you all mine

Crazy girl, don’t you know that I love you?
And I wouldn’t dream of goin’ nowhere
Silly woman, come here, let me hold you
Have I told you lately?
I love you like crazy, girl

Crazy girl

Crazy girl, don’t you know that I love you?
And I wouldn’t dream of goin’ nowhere
Silly woman, come here, let me hold you
Have I told you lately,
I love you like 

Crazy, girl, don’t you know that I love you?
And I wouldn’t dream of goin’ nowhere
Silly woman, come here, let me hold you
Have I told you lately?
I love you like crazy, girl

Like crazy
Crazy girl
Like crazy
Crazy girl
Like crazy



Mrs. Truelove<3


I love you like crazy, baby.

The "Real" World

As I sit here and daydream about the day I get to hold my husband again, The Real World is on television. So what classifies you as living in "The real world" these days? Is it going out to clubs? Or the excessive drinking? Or maybe it's the people engulfed in the types of clothes they wear or cars that they drive. Too many people are wrapped up in the Hollywood lifestyle of the world these days. All of those shows, all of those people that have more pairs of shoes than days in a year, the people who can't truly love someone because they are so wrapped up in their own selfish wants, that's not real, that's far from it. 

"Five-hundred channels and there ain't much on tonight

Except reality shows about some folk's so-called lives

A pretty girl cries 'cause she don't get a rose

But she'll find love next year on her own show

And they call that real

Real is a hand you hold fifty-seven years

Real is a band of gold tremblin' with fear

It's the first long tear down an old man's face, watchin' his angel slippin' away

His heart's so broke, it's never gonna heal"

That's what is real. Reality is what has slapped me in the face for the past seven months. The fear of never knowing if I would see my husband again. It's possessing the thought that at the age of 20, I could be a war widow, I could lose the one thing that made this whole world make sense. "Real" is the fear I had breathing down my neck with every phone call wondering what was going to be on the other end. Real was opening a letter from 7000 miles away and seeing sand from a whole new world fall out and onto the floor, only to uncover a letter with words that I lived for until the next phone call or letter, both which came few and far between. Real was knowing what life I faced when I slipped that silver band onto my husbands hand, but knowing that no matter where this crazy world took us, we were in it, together...forever. Real isn't being inseparable, it's about having 7000 miles between you and nothing changes. It's falling more and more in love with the love of your life, even when you can't see them and wake up to them every day. That's what real is. That's what I live for and that's what my husband and I share. 

It's real, it's alive, it reaches down to the depths of your souls and makes you yearn for more. It touches every fiber of your body, it hurts when they hurt, laughs when they laugh and everything in between. It is something that people search their whole lives for, yet many fall short. And at 20 years old, I am lucky enough to say that I have found my one true soul mate, the one that I will grow old with, the one that I will ride out this crazy, tragic, sometimes awful magic, beautiful life with.

Real is forever, for always & no matter what.

Mrs. Truelove<3

190 days and counting..

190 days. 27 weeks. 6 3/4 months. However you want to look at it, it's all too long that I have seen, held, kissed my husband. But this roller coaster ride is slowly coming to an end...because he's S-A-F-E. Who would have thought that a small four letter word could bring so much happiness and comfort to one person. For the past seven months it hasn't been that word, but the lack thereof, that has kept me wide awake at nights staring into the dark, staring and hoping that at any moment I would look over and see my husband laying beside me. It has been the lack of that word that has made me cringe at the very thought of the unknown and the possibility of never seeing my husband again. It has been the reason to all the tears, for the insanely over obsession of my phone and the extreme amount of happiness when I see that reoccurring odd number pop up on my phone or when I see that envelope sticking out of the mailbox that says "free mail" on it. But now, now that small four letter word means more than anything in the world to me. It means that my husband IS COMING HOME. It means that in just a matter of a few short days, I get to jump into the arms of the one person that makes everything alright and we get to continue our forever and chase all of our hopes and dreams together; hand in hand.


As if getting that news today wasn't great enough...we got a homecoming date today =) FINALLY. It's set (yeah, 'set' is having a little too much faith in the military) and I know when I will get my hero back. Soon, if I had three more fingers (considering that it's now 12:01 am), that'd be perfect =) I'm as happy as winnie pooh with a big ol' pot of honey in his hand..yeah, weird simile, I know. You get it though. The light at the end of this long, winding, tunnel seems to be coming to an end. Honestly, it seems surreal to me. After 190 days of not being in my husbands arms, not kissing him good night, not being able to hold his hand or see that beautiful crooked smile of his, I will be able to have ALL of that and more in just a few short days. I. Can't. Wait.


If we're going to be honest here, I never thought that this day would come. That dreaded September day hindered every possible thought of finishing this thing. But we did it, just like I knew we could and I knew we would. There's not a doubt about it, I have fallen more and more in love with that man with every passing day, even with the 7000 miles in between us. Our time apart has made me appreciate every waking second that we have together. He's the strongest man I know. He's the strongest, most courageous, most amazing man in the entire world and he's MINE....forever. What could make a girl happier? =)

"If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes."

You did it. I love you. Forever.


Mrs. Truelove<3