That's a phrase I hear a lot; "I have no idea how you do it, I couldn't." Well the funny thing about that is..I don't really know how I do it either. Some days are much, much worse than others, yet that lonely and empty feeling never really budges. There are days that I don't even want to get out of bed, just let me pull the covers over my head for today, let's just skip today and go to tomorrow, please? But then my husband crosses my mind. And it's no longer about me. "How does HE do it." Patience wears then very quickly when all you can do is sit and wait, obsessively checking your phone and never letting it leave your sight. It's hard, there's not a doubt in this world about that. But...that's on this side of the court. What about on the opposite side? Can you imagine being in such an underdeveloped country, surrounded by nothing but unfamiliar territory, sleeping on some makeshift bed, away from the world you knew, the world you lived everyday, not having the homefield advantage so to speak? I couldn't. And to know that it's my husband out there putting himself on the line, is everything but an easy feeling in my stomach. But here we are, just a few short weeks away from being done with this deployment and he still manages to be the strength that keeps me strong. I don't know how he does it, but that courage is only one of many things that makes me fall in love with that boy over and over again. There are the moments when I finally hear that voice after weeks and all I want to do is break down and cry. But, I don't because I feel guilty. I feel guilty for putting those tears on him, I should be the one lifting him up, I should be the one keeping him strong. Hehas enough stress put on him having to deal with his job, I don't want him to have to worry about his wife being miserable on some days, so much, that she can't even find the strength to crawl out of bed. But there are those moments that he says exactly the right thing, without even having the slightest clue as to what he's doing.
Speaking of that amazing man, he called me this morning. Our conversation was amazing and just what both of us needed, I believe. I have learned so much about not only myself this deployment but about our relationship, our strength, the love that we share and so much more. You always hear that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Take that, add 7000 miles and the face of danger and then recalculate that amount of stress. In our first year of marriage we will have been together about 3-4 months of that. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and while that is true in all aspects, it sure does make the rest of you lonely. I miss waking up to that gorgeous smile of his, seeing those big brown eyes staring at me. Watching him get ready in the morning, writing sweet little love notes on the mirror or dry erase board, seeing how long it takes the other to see it. I miss getting those calls from him after work and takling to him until he pulled in the driveway, only to open the door and get that amazing kiss from him :) It's those little things that you never would imagine to be the world to you, but they are and those memories alone have gotten me through this deployment. The thought that one day, in the near future, I will have that back in my arms means more than the world to me. This deployment has taught me not to take for granted those small things because you never know when they may be taken from you. I appreciate every thing that my husband does. I have more respect for that man, for his selflessness, his heart of gold, his courage and strength while facing fear in the face; yet he continues to do so all the while keeping ME positive and strong. He makes me want to be a better me and he is all of my hopes and dreams. My life begins and ends with his love and even with 7000 miles in between us, that feeling still stands and holds truer than most could ever possibly imagine to have in a lifetime.
We're almsot done handsome. I'm so proud of you and all that you have done for us and our future! You are that reason for waking up in the morning and I can't wait to have you back in my arms. You're my hero. And just remember that no matter where you are, no matter what you're doing, you have a wife halfway around the world that loves every single thing about you. You may just be another person in this world, but to me you are the world. See you soon<3
Mrs. Truelove<3
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